Love when you are ready not when you are lonely

If you search how to date a women/men in google.com or yahoo.com, you probably end up with million of results over the net. No I’m not teaching you how to date a mate but I think these are the points which I think is important to be precaution with after I spoke to Mary (my crime partner/my ex girlfriend in Phuket when I’m diving there) many years back about an hour ago. Yes, she suffering from another breakup but it is because of one of those silly mistake many of us did before or going to.

A lot has been written about dating, some people rally enjoying dating but for many, dating seems like a horrific trauma. Consider how many people stay in unsatisfying or even outright bad relationship because they are even more terrified by the prospect of being “out there” again.

Dating can be chore because it seems so far removed from real life. But I wonder if there aren’t some everyday lessons we can learn from dating. Maybe its not that dating is different from the rest of our lives but that it’s an intensified version of our day to day lives.

We work hard on a date to put our best self forward but wouldn’t it be nice to put our best self forward throughout the course of our lives? Maybe instead of rejecting that persona, we should embrace it? And maybe, just maybe, if we were used to being our best selves all the time, dating wouldn’t be such a chore, either we’d just show up and be awesome.

1. Dress counts.
We all want to be appreciated for who we are, not what we wear, but unfortunately, what we wear often determines whether or not anyone will take time to know who we are. You wouldn’t dream of showing up for a date in torn sweats and a dirty shirt – but I’ve seen people show up for job interviews in similar outfits! Unless you need specialized clothing – a uniform for work, grungy clothes for helping a friend paint a house, etc. dressing like you’re on your way to a first date means you’ll always put your best face forward.

2. Listen more, talk less.
On a date, being fascinated with what your partner is saying is the best way to make them feel good about themselves – and about you. Asking questions and really paying attention is a great way to demonstrate that you value the person you’re dating. It’s also a great way to show people you aren’t dating that you value them – and to make sure you’re as well-informed as you need to be.

3. Don’t be too needy.
“Desperation,” says a character in the movie Singles, “is the worst perfume.” Spend a date leering or pawing at your date, or explaining how very, very, very, very lonely you are is a sure way to get the brush-off. Nobody likes a loser, and that’s exactly how you come off – winners date people they’re totally into, not whoever will have them. This is true throughout our lives as well – lots of people have noticed how much easier it is to get a job when you already have one (and it’s said that the best job interview is the one you come to straight from work) than when you’re down to plucking couch-cushion change for macaroni money. Of course, you have needs – everyone does – but you can get a lot farther in life making it clear to everyone that you’re driven by your passions and talents, not your needs.

4. Be decisive.
Partners of both sexes like to see their dates make decisions quickly and effectively – it lifts the burden from them, and it shows a confidence that most find attractive. Unfortunately, we often think it’s nice to offer our date a bunch of choices to pick from, thinking that it shows we respect their wishes, when what it really does is throw them into decision paralysis – and increase their anxiety because they’re suddenly fumbling and looking bad in front of you. In life, as in dating, making decisions quickly and firmly, while respecting other is input, is a sure sign of leadership. Even bad decisions made boldly often turn out to be better than good decisions made hesitantly.

5. Smile a lot.
This is extremely important. People like people who smile. More than that, there is a lot of evidence that the physical act of smiling actually triggers changes in our brain chemistry that make us happier. On a date, that means less stressed, more confident, and more attractive to our partner. In life, that means the same thing – even when we are not perfectly comfortable, a big smile conveys to others that we are, and often gives us the boost we need to actually become more comfortable.

Do you like the thought of becoming a native somewhere other than your country of birth? Work abroad for a while and that’s exactly what you will do. You get to explore the city that you been dying to work with and to learn their fascinating culture they have, but some how or rather this morning I saw something that annoyed me. I saw with my own eyes that a man was BEATING his wife on the street. Too many people and me will think that his act was unacceptable but to certain peoples they just don’t care.

So, what is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is abuse that happens in a personal relationship. It can happen between pass of current partner, spouses, or boyfriends and girlfriends and even parents and children. It affects men and woman of any ethnic group, race, or religion wheatear you are gay or straight, rich or poor, in your teenage, adult, or elderly. Nevertheless, most of its victims are women. In fact I believe 1 in 4 women will be a victim at some point.



Abuser may use fear, bullying and threats to gain power and control over the victim. He or she may act jealousy, over controlling and possessive. These are early signs of abuse may happen soon after the start of the relationship and might be hard to notice at first.

Soon after the relationship becomes more serious, the abuse may get worse. One type of domestic abuse involves hurtful physical acts that include pinching, slapping, beating, kicking, punching, pulling of the hair, and the actual use of weapons. These weapons can include but are not limited to knifes, guns, belts, bats, vehicles, cigarettes or lighters, curling irons, hammers, tire irons or gardening tools.

Another type of abuse is sexual in nature. A few examples of sexual abuse include rape, forced or coerced sexual acts, incest, molestation, fondling, forced viewing or participation of pornography, sexual jokes and even insults concerning the victim’s sexuality or performance. But..


The hardest abuse to prove is that of a psychological nature. The intentional degradation of self-esteem by insults or belittling conduct as well as excessive limitations or control over another person’s behavior, financial freedom, or interaction with others.



With this, it will form of emotional abuse that is sometimes used to make a person feel bad, guilty or weak. It is sad but in reality these abusive are actually happening in our society today. Domestic violence and abuse knows no boundaries as far as race, religion, age, sex, geographic location, sexual orientation, or financial and social standing. Parents abuse children, children abuse elderly parents, husbands or lovers abuse women and yes, women abuse men and other women.

Men and women who have stayed with a violently abusive partner are often asked why they stayed. Some of the most common answers are “for the sake of their children,” “religious beliefs or fear of excommunication,” and the “fear that the abuser will come looking for them to kill them.”

In the past, all types of domestic abuse was quietly swept under the rug and ignored by society. Thankfully the attitudes of the general public and the legal systems are changing, I hope!.

Many cities around the world have battered women’s shelters to give temporary haven to the abused women and children. These places usually have a security system set up, counseling services, aid for job placement, as well as legal resources and information.

These halfway houses or shelters are not a long-term solution though. Many limit the days you can stay in the complex as well as the allowed age of minor male children and while they will aid you in getting away from your abuser, it is ultimately up to you as to what is eventually done.

Only you can decide to take the drastic step and get out of the situation. It will also be up to you as to whether charges are actually pressed against the perpetrator since it is highly unlikely the Attorney will see his way to prosecute when the victim has decided it isn’t what she or he wants.

It takes a great deal of courage for a victim of domestic abuse to step forward and make a conscious decision to take a stand against a violent spouse or lover. It takes even more to stand before a judge and tell the story of the abuse while wondering how you will be able to keep a home and food available for yourself and children.

In the end though, those who take that first step towards becoming a survivor instead of a victim will hopefully find a life filled with hope and promise instead of one of constant fear and pain.

I hope that woman I met this morning is doing fine by now.

Stanly

Stay young at heart.....

Nobody really likes getting older. But, to think of ageing purely as a physical process is to miss the importance of our mental outlook. If we want we can easily remain young at heart – whatever our age.

Sometimes we see someone in his twenties and already he is grumbling like an old man. But, at the same time we see someone in their 70s and they have the life and attitude of a young child. To remain young at heart and forgetful of our outer age is a real blessing which enables us to enjoy life whatever our advancing age may be.

My Secrets to Remaining Young at heart

Spend Time With Children.
Children enjoy life from the heart. To see a child’s smile uplifts even the hardest heart. If we spend time with serious old people we will feel a serious old person too.

Don’t Identify your Self with Your Physical Age.
Everyday we look in the mirror and gain the habit of identifying our sense of self with the body. Thus when we see grey hairs and rinkles appearing we feel older – because our body is becoming older. But to remain young in heart and mind, our physical appearance is an irrelevance. We need to break the link between our physical condition and state of mind. We try to keep the body healthy. But, our sense of self should never be dictated by the number of summers this body has seen.

Be Spontaneous.
A childlike attitude is spontaneous and free. A child can take joy in simple things because it is not mentally creating a 5 year plan to buy a new TV. Try to listen to your heart and do things which give you innocent pleasure. Spend less time thinking and more time living in the present moment.

Don’t Spend Time Picking Faults,When we criticise others,
We do not go forward.,We just go backward,
To our greatest shock.

It is complaining and grumbling which really gives us a feeling of being old and weary. Unfortunately, as we get older we get into a mental habit of finding fault and criticising the innumerable problems of the world. It is this tendency to be critical which really gives us an ageing outlook. A critical attitude has an impact upon ourselves. It is we who become negative, yet, of course, our criticisms never improve the world.

Be Active
If we are active we don’t have time to get depressed about our old age. Compete with yourself and not others and get joy from transcending your own goals.

Stop Being Guilt of Your Age
I know many people close to me, who really feel bad if you ask them how old they are. They tell their age with such reluctance – as if they had just been diagnosed with some serious illness. Be proud to have more experience and more years under your belt. Becoming older in age is nothing to feel bad about.

by 1979°

Blame your parents!

I was talking to a friend from London last night. She is one of the many victims of child abuse but somehow I really tired of her complains and stories. I know it is rude in away to shut her but firstly let me say, stop it.

It’s pathetic and pointless. And for the rest of us innocent bystanders… very annoying.

To be completely honest, I am sick of your whining, your complaining, your anger, your victim mentality and your inability to see that your current attitude (not some historical event) is your biggest problem. I am also sick of you blaming your (current) bad behaviour on your parents. What is standing between you and success right now is YOU. Not your folks, not your history, but it is you. And the fact that you think THEY have sabotaged your life and are somehow responsible for your (current) stupid behaviours and less-than-desirable outcomes, wreaks of denial, immaturity and delusion.

Yes, I get that your childhood, or parts thereof, sucked - welcome to the world’s largest club.

I also get that your old man was periodically a completely insensitive, uncommunicative bastard at times. Sadly, that’s what (many) fathers do. And yep, I know that your mother was a selfish cow that time when you were in high school, it happens.

Okay, let’s be honest and blunt… some parents are crap. And yes, many of us have been hurt -physically, emotionally and/or psychologically - by our parents. I am not suggesting that you deny your past, but I am suggesting that you don’t live there. It’ll kill you. In ten different ways. Some people have been inhabiting the seventies and eighties and re-visiting their childhood for the last few decades.

No matter how much you think your parents deserve your anger, vitriol and resentment, I’m telling you
1. it serves no positive purpose
2. it will hurt you more than them
3. stop being a big, immature, stupid baby and
4. you and only you, are responsible for your current reality - no matter what your parents have or haven’t done to you, or for you.

Even though you may have a very good ‘reason’ to be eternally pissed at your folks, I’m saying let it go anyway. Move on. And it’s not about what they do or don’t deserve; it’s about what you deserve. If you want to destroy your potential, your enthusiasm, your optimism and your hope, then become a chronic parent blamer. Hang on to that hurt, no matter what!

Or you could let me save you some serious time and pain and just believe me when I tell you that being a parent blamer is a pointless, destructive, pathetic waste of your potential and emotional energy.



And if you’re not careful, a waste of your life. It will destroy you from the inside out. It’s true; some people will die angry, bitter, resentful and tortured souls because they never found a way to let go of the self-perpetuated - yep, read that clearly, self-perpetuated - misery. When you’re still desperately holding on to emotional crap from years ago, it’s YOU that’s the problem. When you’re twenty five, thirty five or fifty five and you’re still thinking, talking and behaving like a teenager who’s mad at their parents, you need a big reality check.

The only thing you can change about the past, is how you let it affect you now.

You may wanna read that again.

People who have blamed their parents for everything from their poor communication skills, dysfunctional relationships, destructive habits and violent behaviours, to their fat body and poor eating habits are stupid!. What!!! Do you not have a brain in your head? Are you incapable of independent thought? Can you not make your own decisions, choose your own behaviours and be responsible for your own existence? Surely you feed yourself these days? Surely you have some control over what comes out of your mouth? And surely you can choose to do, be and create different in your world.

Let me say that I totally understand that your parents weren’t always what they should or could have been for you as a child (caring, supportive, forgiving, understanding, loving, available, guiding, honest). You have my sympathy and understanding but you’re not alone. You’re in a very large majority. The problem with parents is that they’re flawed and that whole ‘being human’ thing kind of gets in the way of parental perfection. If only parents were cyborgs.

Sometimes the vitriol, the anger, the resentment and dare I say, the absolute hatred, that people hang on to (for decades) amazes and saddens me.

The parental blame game is a slippery slope of self-pity, self-destruction and futility that’s played by far too many people to their own detriment. It’s a game you’re advised to avoid.

I hope this letter finds you well,
Stanly

They Are Living Treasures

Senior citizens have always fascinated and charmed me. Since I was a small boy, I have always loved hearing their stories about the world and how things used to be. I have found that the older the person is, the more wonderful the stories they tell. I wonder why young people today don’t seem to care much about the thinking of the elderly. How could anyone who has survived to a ripe old age after the disasters of the 20th Century – not have some real gems of wisdom to tell.

My father’s father died long before I was born. I believe he was chocked and I’m glad that my father’s mother still alive and living with us today. I have seen pictures of my grandfather pretty much looks like the same like my father. I wish I could have met and talked to him at least once.

As a boy and even as a teenager, I easily made friends with senior citizens. I suppose it was because I was brought up in a strict household that taught us to respect people and to show deference to them. It could also be because I was not popular at all in high school and was considered a geek by my peers. When I did meet my friend’s parents, grandparents or other elderly folks, I knew what they were talking about if those folks enjoyed talking politics, history or were interested in other geeky things Ham radio for instance. I guess those folks might have appreciated it when I addressed them as "Sir" or "Ma’am" as opposed to when those same girlfriends brought home their other courtiers and those guys would greet the adults with a, "Dude!" or grunt language. (Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do… I went to high school with a lot of surfers and stoners.)

During my recent hospital stay I was placed into a room with four other senior gentlemen; the youngest being 65 and the oldest 85. That was very good for me. I’d much rather enjoy the conversation with temporary roommates than to watch TV. At least I could learn something from these old gentlemen. These old guys had many good stories to tell and I had all the time in the world to listen. I wasn’t going anywhere. Let’s face it, when you are in the hospital for a while, no one really wants to come and visit you; and if they do, they want to leave immediately. That’s fair enough, I suppose. Hospitals are not the most exciting places to visit nor are they the safest. I didn’t have many visitors. Talking with them and observing the sadness of the human condition was also a big reason why I realized that I needed no revenge for what had hospitalized me.

I spent time with these good old folks and shared many stories about many things. As was my past experience with senior citizens, I found all these gentlemen extremely interesting people to talk to and full of wise words of advice and points to ponder. It was through talking to them that I realized that I should be thankful to still be alive after my mishap and that, hopefully, I still had many more years to look forward to. They helped me to realize that living a life full of vengeance and guilt is no way to enjoy life.

In Japan, as with many other countries in Asia, especially Buddhist countries, being old means being wise. In fact the elderly are celebrated once a year in Japan with a holiday called Keirou no hi (Respect for the Aged Day). I believe that Japan is the only country in the world that has a national holiday dedicated to senior citizens.

I also believe that one of the biggest problems with America today is the lack of respect people show for each other and especially for their elders. There is no amount of government legislation that will ever begin to fix this problem. This problem is one that can only be addressed by each and every one of us as individuals and as a family. The elderly have so much to share with each and every one of us that it’s a shame and a waste for younger people not to take advantage of the knowledge and wisdom that their elder relatives can share.

Do yourself and your kids a favor, visit or call your elderly relatives soon and make sure to tell them that you love them. Or, if you don’t happen to be close to them, how about visiting a local Senior Citizen’s home? Show reverence and respect to the aged in your daily lives and you will be more than rewarded. Talking to these people will help you to understand the lives they have led and to respect the many contributions they have made to society. This, in turn, will help you to give pause and reflect on what is really important in this world and what you need to do to live a better, more rewarding, and more fulfilling life.

My short time in the hospital helped me to open my eyes more. I appreciate that I was able to share a short time with the elderly witnessing the sorrow and joys of the human condition.

It is a good thing to get to know the aged, to hear their stories about living and life, and to respect them as real people.

Phase of thought

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. You cant change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future. All people smile in the same language. A hug is a great gift. One size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.

Everyone need to be loved, especially when they do not deserve it. The ealmeasure of a man wealth is what he ahs invested in eternity. Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it. It’s important for parent to live the same things the teach us. Thanks God for what you have today, trust yourself trust god for what you need. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

Man looks at outward appearance but god looks within. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. Take time to laugh, for it is music of the soul. If anyone speaks badly of you, live so one will believe it. Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.

Love is strengthening by working through conflicts together. The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other. Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts. To get out of difficulty, one usually must go thru it.

We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. Love is only thing that can be divided without been diminished. Happiness is to enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness tat you can never get back.

My condolence to the Jackson’s family.

Meng

Turn Your Weaknesses Into Strengths

When you start falling behind, your biggest fear must be that your weakness has caught up to you. However, looking at great athletes play, they must have weaknesses too! Those weaknesses can be turned into strengths with a very simple change: A improve-yourself mindset.

This isn’t the same as positive thinking however. This is about finding ways in which weaknesses can be turned into strengths; into something that you are confident about. If you start thinking that your weaknesses aren’t really weaknesses, you’ve just took the first step through your limitations and fears. The next step is to work at it.

Let’s say you aren’t good at typing on the computer. Your first step is to see that it really isn’t a weakness. You can still type right? Now, your next step is to push yourself to improve your typing. Maybe practice once or twice a day for an hour altogether and aim for your goals. By the end of the day, it wouldn’t seem like a liability.

1. Think Differently. What you need to do is to think differently and not get stuck in your narrow world of negative and unsupportive thinking. Thinking that it is a weakness has a negative effect on you because you won’t be thinking about ways to improve but rather ways to increase frustration because you just can’t seem to get out of the invisible box.
2. Set Your Goals. For some goals, you need to sustain it for a long time. Maybe years! Slowly reach it by taking small steps. If you think you’re going too fast, slow down and do it again. What you’re trying to accomplish is making your weakness a strength and not just “doing it.” You want results and just doing it won’t give you any results.

When I started my blog

When I was blogging, I knew my weaknesses were writing, uniqueness and branding. I never excelled at writing. I was just decent enough so people would understand me. This could pose a big problem later on when people see my writing as having many mistakes but later, I just didn’t let it bother me and just write. The more I write, the better I’ll become. That’s all I can do.

I also knew that I would face uniqueness problem later on. After all, everyone hits a bit of writer’s block and can’t come up with ideas. But like writing, all I can do is to find a solution. I found out that I just need to monitor my everyday actions more closely and use it to my advantage.

The last thing I listed I was worried about was branding. I only blogged once before this blog and although it became successful, I also had a lot of luck involved with it. But like what I did before, I just focused on the strengths and used it to my advantage.

What is holding you back?

What do you think you are weak at? Are they preventing you from starting something you have been interested in or from pursuing an aspiration?

Assess yourself and find out what you fear about. Sometimes people think too much of their own weaknesses without realizing it. Step back and think about what you’ve wanted to do or even what you do right now that you hope to improve but can’t because of the “fear”.

Change. Turn Your Weakness Into A Strength

Changing is the hard part but if you’re able to overcome it, it’s the stepping stone to success. Change your mindset to where all of your weaknesses can be turned into strengths. Don’t worry, impossible is nothing like Addidas slogan and it’s true!

1. Assess yourself. Find your weaknesses
2. Find your strength in relation to the weakness.
3. Find a plan to move your weakness to your strength.

Get started on turning your weaknesses into strengths — start right now.