I am. Being is. The Way is not an intellectual understanding.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I frequently feel very jailed within this body/mind and karmically conditioned self. All through childhood, I’ve been rather alone whether I realized it or not. I vaguely recall a moment of staring at my cousins laughing and being silly, and I was thinking “I can’t talk with them, because they can’t talk with me.” They were too young and unconscious. However, this is still my projection of most people in this world. I take my conscious awareness so very seriously, but cannot seem to share in such consciousness, nor open aware presence with nearly anyone. I am often aware, but still longing for very deep intimate connection with a significant other. I want an aware and open exploration of relationship, like an improvisational dance for a lifetime. The choreography is all ours. Sadly, lamentably, none of my relationships have gotten this deep. They got scared, they don’t dance like that.
There’s a massive conscious/unconscious gap that most people don’t seem to even see. This isn’t much of an assumption either! This gap is the difference between being giddy after seeing a movie you just enjoyed in the theater and experiencing the radiant energetic presence during and after resting in alive, aware, spacious being in meditation. If you’ve experienced both, then you know that not only are they so very different experiences, they are also “not two!” So, herein lies the typically non-understandable aspect: non-dual being is all being. The energy of living is within all our lives at every moment. We’re already dancing through our lives. Let’s be with one another, let’s lay here together, why are we missing this vital connection?
When I have conversations with others, I easily get caught up in (attached with) the things, thoughts, and stuff. At work, I may be grumbling and annoyed by the stifled workflow or pressures of expectation piled onto the situations. At home, trying to return to peaceful presence by letting go of and attending to the pained and suffering bodily, emotional, and mental bodies, I am often alone. This is healing work that most people in my life don’t understand and can’t seem to embrace with acceptance and peace. Often, what I hear from others is some version of “why aren’t you responding or attending to me or my concerns?” Maybe I need to reply with “I am working on healing myself so that I may attend to you too with authentic care.”
Life isn’t so much about doing, but about truly being in our living. I say “our” because there isn’t any separation. I emphasize “being” over doing because everything is changing (and clinging to action/activity is no different than any other egotistic stronghold) . And I use the word “truly” because everything is naturally empty. When we’ve gapped from identified borrowed consciousness to spacious conscious awareness, then we are truly seeing. As Krishnamurti said, “the seeing is the doing.” You do change (immeasurable by “time”) when you’ve seen and continue practicing seeing. This is the subtle, yet profound difference between common consciousness and conscious awareness. So, “I am healing with awareness bathing me in the truth.” I am changing, which means I am more Wayward. May egocentric karmic conditioning recede and fade away.
Thank you for your presence in reading, in “being with,” as I like to say.
I watched the movie, “Coach Carter” last night. There is a great quote near the end of the movie. I found it online on a site that talks about the movie. But I wondered where the quote came from. I did some more searching and found that the quote is from a book by a lady named, Marianne Williamson. I have not read her book, but the quote is terrific!
The quote in the movie was very inspiring
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
