Love when you are ready not when you are lonely

If you search how to date a women/men in google.com or yahoo.com, you probably end up with million of results over the net. No I’m not teaching you how to date a mate but I think these are the points which I think is important to be precaution with after I spoke to Mary (my crime partner/my ex girlfriend in Phuket when I’m diving there) many years back about an hour ago. Yes, she suffering from another breakup but it is because of one of those silly mistake many of us did before or going to.

A lot has been written about dating, some people rally enjoying dating but for many, dating seems like a horrific trauma. Consider how many people stay in unsatisfying or even outright bad relationship because they are even more terrified by the prospect of being “out there” again.

Dating can be chore because it seems so far removed from real life. But I wonder if there aren’t some everyday lessons we can learn from dating. Maybe its not that dating is different from the rest of our lives but that it’s an intensified version of our day to day lives.

We work hard on a date to put our best self forward but wouldn’t it be nice to put our best self forward throughout the course of our lives? Maybe instead of rejecting that persona, we should embrace it? And maybe, just maybe, if we were used to being our best selves all the time, dating wouldn’t be such a chore, either we’d just show up and be awesome.

1. Dress counts.
We all want to be appreciated for who we are, not what we wear, but unfortunately, what we wear often determines whether or not anyone will take time to know who we are. You wouldn’t dream of showing up for a date in torn sweats and a dirty shirt – but I’ve seen people show up for job interviews in similar outfits! Unless you need specialized clothing – a uniform for work, grungy clothes for helping a friend paint a house, etc. dressing like you’re on your way to a first date means you’ll always put your best face forward.

2. Listen more, talk less.
On a date, being fascinated with what your partner is saying is the best way to make them feel good about themselves – and about you. Asking questions and really paying attention is a great way to demonstrate that you value the person you’re dating. It’s also a great way to show people you aren’t dating that you value them – and to make sure you’re as well-informed as you need to be.

3. Don’t be too needy.
“Desperation,” says a character in the movie Singles, “is the worst perfume.” Spend a date leering or pawing at your date, or explaining how very, very, very, very lonely you are is a sure way to get the brush-off. Nobody likes a loser, and that’s exactly how you come off – winners date people they’re totally into, not whoever will have them. This is true throughout our lives as well – lots of people have noticed how much easier it is to get a job when you already have one (and it’s said that the best job interview is the one you come to straight from work) than when you’re down to plucking couch-cushion change for macaroni money. Of course, you have needs – everyone does – but you can get a lot farther in life making it clear to everyone that you’re driven by your passions and talents, not your needs.

4. Be decisive.
Partners of both sexes like to see their dates make decisions quickly and effectively – it lifts the burden from them, and it shows a confidence that most find attractive. Unfortunately, we often think it’s nice to offer our date a bunch of choices to pick from, thinking that it shows we respect their wishes, when what it really does is throw them into decision paralysis – and increase their anxiety because they’re suddenly fumbling and looking bad in front of you. In life, as in dating, making decisions quickly and firmly, while respecting other is input, is a sure sign of leadership. Even bad decisions made boldly often turn out to be better than good decisions made hesitantly.

5. Smile a lot.
This is extremely important. People like people who smile. More than that, there is a lot of evidence that the physical act of smiling actually triggers changes in our brain chemistry that make us happier. On a date, that means less stressed, more confident, and more attractive to our partner. In life, that means the same thing – even when we are not perfectly comfortable, a big smile conveys to others that we are, and often gives us the boost we need to actually become more comfortable.

Do you like the thought of becoming a native somewhere other than your country of birth? Work abroad for a while and that’s exactly what you will do. You get to explore the city that you been dying to work with and to learn their fascinating culture they have, but some how or rather this morning I saw something that annoyed me. I saw with my own eyes that a man was BEATING his wife on the street. Too many people and me will think that his act was unacceptable but to certain peoples they just don’t care.

So, what is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is abuse that happens in a personal relationship. It can happen between pass of current partner, spouses, or boyfriends and girlfriends and even parents and children. It affects men and woman of any ethnic group, race, or religion wheatear you are gay or straight, rich or poor, in your teenage, adult, or elderly. Nevertheless, most of its victims are women. In fact I believe 1 in 4 women will be a victim at some point.



Abuser may use fear, bullying and threats to gain power and control over the victim. He or she may act jealousy, over controlling and possessive. These are early signs of abuse may happen soon after the start of the relationship and might be hard to notice at first.

Soon after the relationship becomes more serious, the abuse may get worse. One type of domestic abuse involves hurtful physical acts that include pinching, slapping, beating, kicking, punching, pulling of the hair, and the actual use of weapons. These weapons can include but are not limited to knifes, guns, belts, bats, vehicles, cigarettes or lighters, curling irons, hammers, tire irons or gardening tools.

Another type of abuse is sexual in nature. A few examples of sexual abuse include rape, forced or coerced sexual acts, incest, molestation, fondling, forced viewing or participation of pornography, sexual jokes and even insults concerning the victim’s sexuality or performance. But..


The hardest abuse to prove is that of a psychological nature. The intentional degradation of self-esteem by insults or belittling conduct as well as excessive limitations or control over another person’s behavior, financial freedom, or interaction with others.



With this, it will form of emotional abuse that is sometimes used to make a person feel bad, guilty or weak. It is sad but in reality these abusive are actually happening in our society today. Domestic violence and abuse knows no boundaries as far as race, religion, age, sex, geographic location, sexual orientation, or financial and social standing. Parents abuse children, children abuse elderly parents, husbands or lovers abuse women and yes, women abuse men and other women.

Men and women who have stayed with a violently abusive partner are often asked why they stayed. Some of the most common answers are “for the sake of their children,” “religious beliefs or fear of excommunication,” and the “fear that the abuser will come looking for them to kill them.”

In the past, all types of domestic abuse was quietly swept under the rug and ignored by society. Thankfully the attitudes of the general public and the legal systems are changing, I hope!.

Many cities around the world have battered women’s shelters to give temporary haven to the abused women and children. These places usually have a security system set up, counseling services, aid for job placement, as well as legal resources and information.

These halfway houses or shelters are not a long-term solution though. Many limit the days you can stay in the complex as well as the allowed age of minor male children and while they will aid you in getting away from your abuser, it is ultimately up to you as to what is eventually done.

Only you can decide to take the drastic step and get out of the situation. It will also be up to you as to whether charges are actually pressed against the perpetrator since it is highly unlikely the Attorney will see his way to prosecute when the victim has decided it isn’t what she or he wants.

It takes a great deal of courage for a victim of domestic abuse to step forward and make a conscious decision to take a stand against a violent spouse or lover. It takes even more to stand before a judge and tell the story of the abuse while wondering how you will be able to keep a home and food available for yourself and children.

In the end though, those who take that first step towards becoming a survivor instead of a victim will hopefully find a life filled with hope and promise instead of one of constant fear and pain.

I hope that woman I met this morning is doing fine by now.

Stanly

Stay young at heart.....

Nobody really likes getting older. But, to think of ageing purely as a physical process is to miss the importance of our mental outlook. If we want we can easily remain young at heart – whatever our age.

Sometimes we see someone in his twenties and already he is grumbling like an old man. But, at the same time we see someone in their 70s and they have the life and attitude of a young child. To remain young at heart and forgetful of our outer age is a real blessing which enables us to enjoy life whatever our advancing age may be.

My Secrets to Remaining Young at heart

Spend Time With Children.
Children enjoy life from the heart. To see a child’s smile uplifts even the hardest heart. If we spend time with serious old people we will feel a serious old person too.

Don’t Identify your Self with Your Physical Age.
Everyday we look in the mirror and gain the habit of identifying our sense of self with the body. Thus when we see grey hairs and rinkles appearing we feel older – because our body is becoming older. But to remain young in heart and mind, our physical appearance is an irrelevance. We need to break the link between our physical condition and state of mind. We try to keep the body healthy. But, our sense of self should never be dictated by the number of summers this body has seen.

Be Spontaneous.
A childlike attitude is spontaneous and free. A child can take joy in simple things because it is not mentally creating a 5 year plan to buy a new TV. Try to listen to your heart and do things which give you innocent pleasure. Spend less time thinking and more time living in the present moment.

Don’t Spend Time Picking Faults,When we criticise others,
We do not go forward.,We just go backward,
To our greatest shock.

It is complaining and grumbling which really gives us a feeling of being old and weary. Unfortunately, as we get older we get into a mental habit of finding fault and criticising the innumerable problems of the world. It is this tendency to be critical which really gives us an ageing outlook. A critical attitude has an impact upon ourselves. It is we who become negative, yet, of course, our criticisms never improve the world.

Be Active
If we are active we don’t have time to get depressed about our old age. Compete with yourself and not others and get joy from transcending your own goals.

Stop Being Guilt of Your Age
I know many people close to me, who really feel bad if you ask them how old they are. They tell their age with such reluctance – as if they had just been diagnosed with some serious illness. Be proud to have more experience and more years under your belt. Becoming older in age is nothing to feel bad about.

by 1979°