Love when you are ready not when you are lonely

If you search how to date a women/men in google.com or yahoo.com, you probably end up with million of results over the net. No I’m not teaching you how to date a mate but I think these are the points which I think is important to be precaution with after I spoke to Mary (my crime partner/my ex girlfriend in Phuket when I’m diving there) many years back about an hour ago. Yes, she suffering from another breakup but it is because of one of those silly mistake many of us did before or going to.

A lot has been written about dating, some people rally enjoying dating but for many, dating seems like a horrific trauma. Consider how many people stay in unsatisfying or even outright bad relationship because they are even more terrified by the prospect of being “out there” again.

Dating can be chore because it seems so far removed from real life. But I wonder if there aren’t some everyday lessons we can learn from dating. Maybe its not that dating is different from the rest of our lives but that it’s an intensified version of our day to day lives.

We work hard on a date to put our best self forward but wouldn’t it be nice to put our best self forward throughout the course of our lives? Maybe instead of rejecting that persona, we should embrace it? And maybe, just maybe, if we were used to being our best selves all the time, dating wouldn’t be such a chore, either we’d just show up and be awesome.

1. Dress counts.
We all want to be appreciated for who we are, not what we wear, but unfortunately, what we wear often determines whether or not anyone will take time to know who we are. You wouldn’t dream of showing up for a date in torn sweats and a dirty shirt – but I’ve seen people show up for job interviews in similar outfits! Unless you need specialized clothing – a uniform for work, grungy clothes for helping a friend paint a house, etc. dressing like you’re on your way to a first date means you’ll always put your best face forward.

2. Listen more, talk less.
On a date, being fascinated with what your partner is saying is the best way to make them feel good about themselves – and about you. Asking questions and really paying attention is a great way to demonstrate that you value the person you’re dating. It’s also a great way to show people you aren’t dating that you value them – and to make sure you’re as well-informed as you need to be.

3. Don’t be too needy.
“Desperation,” says a character in the movie Singles, “is the worst perfume.” Spend a date leering or pawing at your date, or explaining how very, very, very, very lonely you are is a sure way to get the brush-off. Nobody likes a loser, and that’s exactly how you come off – winners date people they’re totally into, not whoever will have them. This is true throughout our lives as well – lots of people have noticed how much easier it is to get a job when you already have one (and it’s said that the best job interview is the one you come to straight from work) than when you’re down to plucking couch-cushion change for macaroni money. Of course, you have needs – everyone does – but you can get a lot farther in life making it clear to everyone that you’re driven by your passions and talents, not your needs.

4. Be decisive.
Partners of both sexes like to see their dates make decisions quickly and effectively – it lifts the burden from them, and it shows a confidence that most find attractive. Unfortunately, we often think it’s nice to offer our date a bunch of choices to pick from, thinking that it shows we respect their wishes, when what it really does is throw them into decision paralysis – and increase their anxiety because they’re suddenly fumbling and looking bad in front of you. In life, as in dating, making decisions quickly and firmly, while respecting other is input, is a sure sign of leadership. Even bad decisions made boldly often turn out to be better than good decisions made hesitantly.

5. Smile a lot.
This is extremely important. People like people who smile. More than that, there is a lot of evidence that the physical act of smiling actually triggers changes in our brain chemistry that make us happier. On a date, that means less stressed, more confident, and more attractive to our partner. In life, that means the same thing – even when we are not perfectly comfortable, a big smile conveys to others that we are, and often gives us the boost we need to actually become more comfortable.